11/02/2023

 For years I’ve referred to this day as my traumaversary. It was the most accurate way I could think of to describe what November 2nd signifies in my life. I have been searching for a new, more fitting way to reference the anniversary of the night everything in my life was ripped away and the importance of it in my life today. 

There are those who don’t understand my marking this day publicly and some see it as re-opening the wound. All I can say is that it’s not for anyone else to understand, though it’s my prerogative to share. It’s taking ownership of how I sit with the memory of that trauma. I’ve never been one to shy away from things that appear difficult and I wasn’t about to start with this. 

There is no getting over or past something as traumatic as rape. For me, kindness and understanding have evolved toward myself and the 19-year-old I was in 1991. I’ve learned how to live with the reality of being a rape survivor, and while I won’t let it define me, I have figured out that I can live out loud as a survivor on my terms. 

Nothing I say or do, and nothing I refrain from saying or doing will ever change the fact that just after 4am on November 2, 1991, I was kidnapped and raped repeatedly by two masked assailants. I would never credit either of those rapists with the person I’ve become today, but the trauma and years since have shaped me. There is no way any of it could not have. 

Shaping does not mean consuming, however. At every point since that November day, I’ve owned my life and my choices. I eventually took control of the pieces my life was left in and created something better. Better than the pain and anguish. Better than the fear and self-loathing. Better than never growing and experiencing the world around me. I’ll never know who I would have been had I never experienced that trauma, but I’ve found a way to be happy and proud of having the guts, determination, and love for myself that helped me create the best possible life as the person I became and continue to evolve into today. And given that, how could I not continue to acknowledge the trauma that was the catalyst to it all? 

Owning your failures and shortcomings creates strong character. Owning how you choose to move on after traumatic events creates resilience and the emotional terrain to find peace and strength again. I am not defined by rape, but rape has helped me define how I live I thrive in this life. #rapesurvior.